Clive Handy's Blog

Well, those who follow this blog may be wondering why they’ve not seen anything new from me for some time, now it can be revealed; but first I’d like to explain why I report personal events after they’ve happened. Some time ago, someone very close to me advertised the fact that they were going away on a long trip abroad, on a social networking site. Now I don’t know whether it’s cause or effect but their accommodation was broken into while they were away, and several valuable items were stolen, including some sentimental items, which are valueless but irreplaceable. Whether this break-in had anything to do the intruder being tipped off about the empty state of the property via the social website or not is debatable, but I’m not taking any chances.

About 4/5 months ago we were invited to go on holiday on a gulet in Turkey. I had never heard of this form of boat, so of course googled it and found it is a luxury cruiser plying the Mediterranean coast with small groups of people on board. Ours was called the Kurt-K and had seven cabins: four doubles, two family rooms and one other room not ready for use, having been varnished the week before. There were five couples and a single lady in our party and we joined the boat on the Sunday night after a Sqeazyjet flight to Dalaman airport in Southern Turkey. The next morning we set sail and the for next seven days and nights went from bay to bay between Gocek and Fatihiye swimming in the sea, sunbathing and eating – lots. The food was glorious, prepared by a 5 star chef, all Turkish cuisine, delicious (and fattening). There was a bar on board so unfortunately drinking (not excessively!) was involved as well.

The M/S Kurt-K

Just been listening to (part of ) the Queens speech, but of course of much more importance is Alex Ferguson leaving United. Could never understand what he was saying, glad I have absolutely no interest in football, so the fact that he is retiring is of course of minimal importance, but the media seem to put it on a par with the Queen. Such is the way of the world these days.

So yet another long term kidnapping has been discovered. What is with these nearly always men, who think they can control women like cavemen? Those poor women must have been controlled so closely and being ‘the weaker sex’ probably couldn’t find a way out of their prison. Recently there have been other well publicised abductions including Natascha Kampusch in Austria, whose captor had the good grace to kill himself, and Jaycee Lee Dugard in California by a married couple, the man of which fathered two children during her captivity. They both got long prison sentences. I suppose even Madelaine McCann’s parents could still keep their hopes alive for her return. I doubt whether any psychiatrist could ever fathom why people would do this, perhaps its all to do with power and superiority. Then again us mere mortals will never understand what goes through criminal minds, or why they think its OK to carry out their obnoxious crimes. But I suppose it could happen to any of us.

I got a letter from a gonk in the MoD the other day explaining the reasons why the Harrier was taken out of service instead of the Tornado, at the same time promoting the F35B as its replacement. You can see it here:

Http://bringbacktheharrier.wordpress.com

..which is my other blog, for those so interested. I mention it here because its an interesting letter that wholly backs the government policy on this matter, without once offering an opinion or disagreeing with the sentiments. Wants to keep his job I suppose.

As all the youngsters seem to sign off with now: laters.

…April that is, it’s only the first week and feels like its dragging a bit. First we had the budget, discussed and dissected at length by many more qualified than me; then the fall- out from it. Do politicians like Mr Balls think the public is stupid? The way he vilified George Osborne calling the budget ‘best for the rich’ was ludicrous. I often wonder where they get these people from. Surely nobody thinks and acts like that in normal life? Those on benefits aren’t stupid. Most would surely prefer to earn a living with the possibility of increasing their income from harder work or overtime or indeed changing jobs than having to rely on handouts from benefits which are fixed amounts. I would  think, although I have no personal experience, that the majority of those on benefits hate having to accept them. There will always be those that are happy to take money for doing nothing. Maybe those that are able should ‘earn’ their benefits by cleaning the pavements or keeping road signs overgrowth clipped back because currently nobody seems to do these things. Come to think of it that’s not a bad idea. Instead of healthy, able-bodied people just sitting around drinking Special Brew watching Sky TV during the day, why not get them doing menial stuff to earn their benefits? Some liberal groups will shout me down about that idea, but at least they would be doing something useful.

It had to be expected that there would be vitriol when Margaret Thatcher passed away and so it has come to fruition.  The usual left-leaning idiots dancing on her grave, and operating gob (or fingers) before properly ensuring that brain is engaged. Some of the ‘Tweets’ that have come out, and the celebrations in certain parts of the country defy belief. A mother and grandmother as died, how would they feel if it were theirs? Banners proclaiming the witch is dead, and certain parts of the community expressing their glee through various social networks and newspaper headlines and articles are disgusting and unnecessary. No matter what your politics, and how you felt about what Mrs Thatcher’s legacy is, there is no need to behave in such a boorish manner. One question I would ask those that are revelling in the passing of one of our greatest politicians (quoted from Labour politicians including Alistair Campbell) is this: Would you act the same when Tony Blair’s time comes?  He could be accused of doing exactly the same things as Mrs Thatcher, only in his case his legacy is many times worse than left behind by her. Please, please let not some of those idiots showing their hateful feelings about Mrs T  be allowed to interrupt the funeral, which despite their efforts will go ahead and be embraced by the population.  Call in the Royal Marines again, like at the boat race.

It seems like the North Korea ‘thing’ will drag on for some time. Kim Jong-un and his cohorts cannot be insensitive or are unaware of the world’s media reporting that they are being ganged up on. Not only be the US, but South Korea and even China, although Russia seem unusually quiet. They must realise they are on a hiding to nothing despite the rhetoric and bluster, which I guess is to bolster the morale of the people rather than show the world their aggressive intent. It is after all the prerogative of any countries’ government, whether they were legally or democratically entitled to do so or not, to rule their country how they see fit. There are exclusions to this of course, like when Saddam decided to invade a neighbouring country or the Taliban flexed their muscles in Afghanistan, that the world’s leaders want to change the way the country is run. They were quite right in those cases, but in the case of North Korea I don’t see how, short of invading and bombing the country, we can change the way they starve their people or concentrate their GDP on their military, reportedly 1 million strong and apparently bored.  Of course no-one wants this to happen, the losers are always the population, who will die in great numbers if the bombing starts.  A vexed question and one I couldn’t answer easily. Perhaps we can send in some SAS and take Kim-Jong-un and his immediate entourage out. The people could then take over and Korea could become one country again. Some hope. Maybe Korea won’t start anything or launch a missile because they know they will get seriously dumped on by everyone surrounding them. Their aim is to subdue their population even more.

See my other blog: Bring Back the Harrier

Another Easter holiday, four days freezing to death, with temperatures on Easter Monday (in our parts) of 2°. Never mind global warming, early Easters or the next ice age, what (controversial question coming up) is the point of Easter?

Yes, it’s a religious celebration (of sorts, celebrating death?), and the public get an extra two days off from work, but why? Most of those who enjoy the time off couldn’t frankly give a damn (or know why)  what Easter stands for. Admittedly there are those who vehemently defend their right to glory in the death of Jesus, but 88% (a figure I made up) couldn’t give a fig. So here’s something radical to consider: move the Good Friday and Easter Monday holidays to a warmer part of the year (not April anyway) to celebrate, oh I don’t know the Queen’s birthday and the start of summer, leaving Easter Sunday for those who wish to worship this event free to do so, on a Sunday; the normal day of Christian worship, just like Epiphany and Psalm Sunday. Now if this sounds like heresy it’s not supposed to, merely pragmatic. This country is not that religious. Not many people go to church, fewer take up a career in it, so what relevance has it got with most people, except those that want to believe? I’m not being heathen, just realistic. There is no physical God, it’s a state of mind. Those who believe in God do so because they want to believe in a higher being. Well, I believe in a higher being, or fate, that is all.

So what do you say? Would you rather keep the two days off and have them later in the year, between say, the Whitsun bank holiday and the August bank holiday; or keep the Easter days off and huddle together for warmth and battle snow and ice on the roads, visiting relatives or freeing sheep from snow drifts (that’s for you Neil)? The juries out, but I know what my views are, are they yours? And before anyone says look at the beautiful weather last Easter, my view is that was a glitch and my argument still stands: its too early in the year and too cold for public holidays.  Just don’t get me started on Christmas.

I’ve never known a colder Easter except for the time in Germany when we were snowed in at a friends house, and that was in April. I suppose the one thing about the weather is that it doesn’t respond to criticism, shrugs off any bad press without so much as a wheezy breath or a hurrumph. I just hope it augers well for a nicer summer we could certainly do with one. Mind you it will only take five days of no rain and the money-grabbing water companies (none of them British owned), will be bleating about water shortages and hosepipe bans. Well they did it last year and that became a laughing stock with all the rain we got.

I’m getting more and more bitter about the lack of and the poor service industry in this country. When you think of the multi-million pound contracts going overseas, we wonder whether anything is British owned. The Qataris even want to buy M&S! It’ll probably happen, because someone will stand to receive a huge pay-off, and in business, money talks.  Look at ‘our’ motor industry, mostly owned by foreigners, including BMW owning Mini and an Indian company owning Jaguar. There’s a good example of someone trousering a huge amount of money, at the same time decimating the car industry, our last remaining volume manufacturer; Rover. People may have forgotten about the famous four or was it six who walked away with ginormous amounts of wonga, and put thousands out of work. They’re all right jack, but what of the ones they left to live on benefits? Well that attitude now seems prevalent in the rest of industry with two major exceptions, and they are in the aerospace industry: Rolls Royce and BAE Systems, both still British owned, the latter partly by me, in shares. They did have an abortive attempt to hook onto EADS a short while ago, but that ended in failure I’m glad to say. There may be other giants of industry out there that are British owned, but I can’t think of them off-hand. Notice that these two companies are involved in ENGINEERING. I deliberately put that in capitals because it’s still not deemed in some quarters as important enough for this countries recovery, but it is.  It’s all very well for the city to make money out of money, and to be fair they do invest in industry, but it doesn’t help us make  things to sell abroad, which is what makes a country rich.  I made the comparison some time ago; how many car companies in Germany are German owned? All of them. Ditto France? All of them, with government help.  How many in Britain? Er, one or two small ones?  It’s ridiculous to expect a country to grow unless manufacture and export are the main focus. The service industry does not make things, only fixes them.

The latest sell-out abroad is Search and Rescue operations (SAR), which has been sold off to an American company, Bristow, which also used to be British. This is another industry being flogged abroad with no consideration of the consequences further down the line. It’s a £3.5 billion deal which starts in 2016, and replaces all the existing Royal Air Force (including Prince William) and Royal Navy crews and helicopters with a civilian operation. Excuse me? When did it become a matter of reducing costs to save lives? Granted the RNLI get donated millions every year and they don’t get any government backing, but the general public do donate and are never tight with putting their hand in their pockets when the RNLI rattle their tins, even though most people in this country would never have any need of their services. But the SAR service (started during the war to rescue downed aircrew) is different. Beside rescuing people from the sea and boats, they also rescue people from mountains, flooded villages and in some case sheep from snow drifts. On this point my friend Neil, who lives in Northumberland, tells me his farm has lost 70 sheep in the snow, that’s a lot of lost revenue and of course hard work. Where are the helicopters helping these people out in their time of need? Nowhere I’m afraid, budget cuts mean that the SAR services can only just fulfil their peace-time role without encroaching on extra-mural activities. It stinks.  If those mandarins in Whitehall who make these arbitrary decisions knew what it does to these people, the backbone of the farming industry, they wouldn’t be quite so quick to prattle on about ‘value for money’ and ‘best resources for the price’ etc. It won’t do, and it’s no way to treat the current SAR service who have built up years of experience. Where are Bristow’s going to get the experienced aircrews for their operations? From the stood down current crews? Yes, that’s probably where they will get them, so they don’t have to invest in training to get the calibre of people that the Forces turn out now.  A cheap deal from which someone (not British) will make a wallet busting bunch of cash. Granted, some of the new helicopter fleet will be built in Yeovil (by an Italian-owned company), but why aren’t they being built to equip our forces? Where all the battle proven choppers to come from for the next conflict? Who’s going to fly them into combat, because at some stage they might have to; the Falklands is a perfect example. It makes me seeth that all these good people are to be tossed on the scrapheap to save a few bob. There are other similar cases of a sell out to foreign companies, including water, gas and electricity companies besides the aforementioned. Wake up Britain, we need action to put right what years of poor decision making and gross government mismanagement have screwed up. We will be caught out.

The euthanasia argument going around a little while ago centred on the possibility of nefarious families ‘persuading’ the ill person to go quietly so they can afterwards claim their inheritance and rub their hands with glee, thinking of the good times to come from the proceeds of the will. Of course no-one would dream of admitting to this, but people are murdered for less, so there’s no reason why euthanasia shouldn’t be thought of as legalised murder in that context.

All this doesn’t apply of course to animals/pets because a) they have no assets and b) they can’t argue against being ‘put to sleep’. Which brings me to Ralph, our beloved ginger tom, who had to be put to sleep today, suffering from stomach cancer. He went downhill very quickly in the last week, and when his breathing became very laboured today we took the decision, a very difficult one, of taking him to the vets. The vet agreed that he was suffering badly, and we stayed with him until the last minute, left the surgery while the vet did the deed, then went back in to see him completely at rest, it was lovely to see him out of pain. He was exactly 15 years old, we had looked after him for 10 years (he was actually our daughters cat), and he was a lovely fluffy softy who everybody loved, even non-cat lovers like me. Yes I admit it, I didn’t adore cats (or dogs come to that) but Ralph had a special place in my heart and I shall miss him jumping up on my lap, keeping it warm.

It was actually more emotional and heart wrenching saying goodbye to Ralph (who knew his name and would come when called), than to my parents or my brother. Maybe it was because people expected me to be ‘the man’ when it came to my families passing away, but with Ralph I could truly let go, and I did, in spades. I’m not ashamed to admit it either, he played a big part in our lives over the last ten years and provided us with laughs, fun, comfort and love.

God rest you Ralph mate, we love and miss you.

A few weeks ago, courtesy of a suggestion from a friend at my writing club; West Street Writers, I went along to a folk/acoustic club that meets in The Old Courthouse, Cove: http://windmillfolk.co.uk. I took my ax (guitar) and was invited to do a couple of songs. It was the first time I had sung (and played) in front of complete strangers, but funnily enough I wasn’t nervous and enjoyed the experience. I’ve been about 6 times and sang every week except last Thursday when we had a St Patrick’s night. So far, so good. In the 2nd week I met and chatted to a couple from Australia, he did a poem and a song while playing great mandolin, and further chatting revealed they were from Melbourne where my youngest daughter and husband have emigrated to.

General view of the club night on St Patrick’s night.

We’ve swapped addresses and will keep in contact until we get out to Oz to visit Teresa. Its interesting that I never believed in the current wave of comment based on 6 degrees of separation, that is each and every one of us can trace through 6 connexions to the person sat next to you on the bus or whatever. This has been proven to me more and more in various scenarios and I now believe it to be true. Granted my connection to Teresa is extremely tenuous with this couple, but it’ll do for me. Music is my 2nd favourite hobby, I’ve been playing piano since I was 12 and guitar from about the same, but although I had formal piano lessons, and got to grade 5, but the guitar was self taught and after 50+ years I reckon I’m on a par with Status Quo: I know at least three chords. Owning 4 guitars hasn’t improved my skill that much either but I enjoy it nonetheless.

Well, winters returned again, unusual snow has stopped the country again: this could carry on every winter. Why has there been minimal investment in snow clearing equipment? Granted it’s expensive, and may not be used every year, but that’s not a reason not to invest in it. But that is the trouble with those who control budgets for this sort of spending; they are shortsighted and parsimonious. The cost of the country coming to a standstill must be much more than a few million spent on proper snow clearing equipment, then when the snow melts or heavy rain falls, the rivers back up, the drainage system can’t cope so people get flooded. And the reason? Stating the bleeding obvious its because ditches aren’t cleared, rivers and streams aren’t dredged, so quelle surprise we get flooding and misery. When will they ever learn?

The more I look and listen to ‘the media’, the more I think that broadcasters, producers, journalists, in fact anyone involved with sending out visual, oral or read content publicly are completely out of touch. They are missing a huge chunk of the audience who choose not to watch everything open mouthed and believe what is being thrown at them. And to compound this lack of audience, the broadcasters in particular treat the remaining viewers and listeners to the most banal, simplistic and low-brow output to I would think hopefully, to engage them in their intelligent mutterings.

Let me explain about some of the things that really set my teeth on edge when watching TV. Why oh why is music used as a weapon? Whatever channel is watched, the idiotically upbeat swelling music is increased in volume so that whilst you are trying to hear what the newscaster is saying, the production staff think it more important to drown out their words with ‘dramatic’ music. This is rubbish and all the channels are guilty of it, we don’t repeat don’t want or need it. I sometimes think that the TV channels consider anyone not involved in the ‘industry’ are complete morons and and stare like mouth breathers at all their output. There may be some people for whom the various banal utterings and loud unnecessary music coming at them is the best thing since sliced bread, but the rest of us are more circumspect about it. One of my hobby horses is the blurring of images supposedly in the belief that programme makers are protecting vulnerable people including children from ‘abuse’. When I wrote to the BBC about various instances of this unnecessary ‘editing’ of output, I received the usual platitudes about ‘protecting the vulnerable’, which I agree with, and not exposing people to unsuitable images, again agreed. What I couldn’t understand that during a news item about for example the health service, they cut to an out of focus shot of some nurses writing something at a nurses station, or in an article about older people, they show a ground level shoot of shuffling feet in slippers pushing zimmer frames. And the point is? I said in several emails to the BBC; aren’t the news presenters (for example on breakfast TV) capable of doing a piece to camera without a meaningless cutaway which neither enhances or illustrates the item?

They didn’t actually answer that question and the same is true of ITV, C4, Sky et al. One of the most recent cases of TV being an insult to the intelligence was Red Nose Day. I applaud the sentiment, even though I’m unsure how much of the £75 million actually ends up doing good, and not lining the pockets of those in-country who may divert the money raised to their own vainglorious ends. Coupled with the ‘appeal’ which was shoved down your throat every five minutes, was the appallingly bad ‘comedy’, which was anything but, in fact it was totally unfunny, even accounting for the ‘pre watershed’ slip ups which were given wide publicity and did nothing to enhance the whole experience. The trouble is this sort off programme is all too prevalent whether it’s ‘I’m a celebrity…..’, Big Brother, The Big Drop, Deal or no Deal, in fact a myriad of programmes designed to appeal to the lowest common thickness of the audience. If this is all this countries TV output has to offer, god help us. However, to counterbalance this view there are some excellent understated programmes that don’t insult intelligence, and offer good entertainment and information: anything by David Attenborough, Brian Cox, etc and some of the current affairs programmes which don’t demean or insult. Please let’s have some sensible output, not raucous, loud rubbish.

It’s been nearly two months now since our youngest went to Australia to live. The first couple of weeks affected us more than them emotionally, but now at least I’m coming to terms with it a bit more. They have now settled in their permanent home, and are awaiting the arrival of their shipped household which is somewhere in the Indian ocean. Good luck to them, I’m sure they’re doing the right thing

I wish I’d looked after me computer (with acknowledgement to Pam Ayres)

I wish I’d looked after me computer
And been able to properly use her
I call it her because she can be a bitch
Now where’s that off switch
I wish I’d looked after me computer

I wish I had listened more intently
To the tutor on that course recently
I attended to learn
About how I might earn
More money from writing decently

When I think of the software I’ve bought
To improve my performance I ought
To have inspired my brain
But no perceptible gain
Has been noted by me, nought

My boss used to tell me no end
If you’ve got a PC you’ve got a friend
I was younger then and foolish
But I could never finish
Tasks that by email he did send

Oh I’ve played on the keyboard
And the PC would then get bored
Because it would crash
And I didn’t have the cash
To get it repaired, oh gawd

If I’d known I was paving the way
To reboots, hang ups and delays
The pain of a restart
Plays havoc with my heart
‘I wish this bloody thing would work today’

So here I am staring at the screen
Wondering where for the last two hours I’ve been
I’ve tried everything
I’ll try anything
To have a working machine

How I laughed at another computer
Owned by what is called a super user
But now comes the reckoning
Cos its me he’s beckoning
Oh I wish I’d looked after me computer

Clive Handy 2013 ©

….I wonder where the birdies is. The birdies is upon the wing, don’t be obsurd , the wing is upon the boird.

So goes the old saying with a heavy New Yoirk accent. I remember this from years ago, I don’t know how it’s stuck in my memory, but then sometimes pernicious bits of useless information lodge themselves in your brain, and stay there.  After a slight taster of spring, the weather is turning again, with heavy rain all day. Mind you we have had a dry period of a few days; wonder when the hosepipe ban will be announced? No don’t laugh if you live abroad, that’s what its like in this once great country of ours.

Everything has to be fiddled with, health and safety and ooman rights take precedence over all, and right thinking people are getting fed up with it. But it’s the politicians that control it, and I don’t just mean those elected as MPs. There are petty administrators and organisers meddling with every aspect of our lives, and trying to extract as much money as they can out of our pockets while doing so. I have two hobby horses which particularly get my goat:

Council Tax

OK, I live in a fairly big house and have done so for over 30 years, but I have chosen to stay there rather than move to make a profit. So why is the largest outgoing every month, my council tax? There are only two of us, we have no kids living with us, we rarely use services like libraries or the police, we have our bins collected, and use the local roads, so why do I have to pay over £225 a month for 10 months? That doesn’t represent good value for money where I’m sitting. Perhaps some of the tax is diverted to the less well off (who are they by the way, what’s the threshold?), to help them with their payments. I guess its people like us who use the services lightly that are the cash cows to enable poorer people to pay less, but who more than likely use local services more. Incidentally that figure is my highest outgoing every month, so my question to no-one in particular is: council tax is still an unfair, unequally distributed method of paying for local services. When it is going to be made more equal by including it as part of income tax or national insurance? I don’t expect a reply.

Car tax or road fund licence

My car, in fact both cars are pre-2001 so attract road tax of £220, across the board for all cars above 1549cc. This was a method of taxing cars introduced by the last government, presumably to get ‘old bangers’ off the road. Very commendable, but this presupposes that most new cars are not bought by those over a certain age, so this group generally hang on to their older cars, because they can’t afford a flash new car which only has a tax disc costing £35 in some cases. Meanwhile yet again the older population are saddled with paying more than a new car owner when they are more than likely to have an older car. My solution us simple and had been discussed many times over the years: put road tax onto the petrol. This way the heaviest users pay the most, tax is collected by the petrol retailers on behalf of the government anyway; why not add a few pence to each litre, and that can also be passed on as tax. This will have two effects: one already alluded to, the other is that no-one will get away with not paying road tax as they do now. Of course there will still be illicit petrol around, but I suspect this will be a very small amount. So a win-win situation, no loss of road tax for the government and everyone knows exactly how much petrol tax it costs to drive anywhere. Rant over.